


Mortal Kings Ruling Castles

by ASeriesOfEmoEvents



Category: Fall Out Boy, I Don't Know How But They Found Me (Band), My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2020-01-12 17:00:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18450821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ASeriesOfEmoEvents/pseuds/ASeriesOfEmoEvents
Summary: After a recent divorce, Brendon Urie feels he can never find love again. Can a chance meetup with an old friend/lover change that?





	1. Chapter 1

**Brendon's POV**

  
It all started October, the last day of the Pray For The Wicked tour. My plane touched down in McCarran International Airport; I was finally home.

  
I climbed out of the jet and breathed in the cool, night Vegas air. I heard a set of footsteps follow me out, and felt a hand on my shoulder. "Well, is it good to be back?" Pete asked me. Pete was on tour with me since I performed in Chicago, and served as a companion to me for the remainder of my shows. Sure, I had people like Dan, who is the only person in the band I'm actually close to, but Pete and I share a special friendship. After all, he's the reason why I'm famous in the first place. "So what now," he asked, "Late night celebratory beers?"

  
I shrugged, "Nah, I'm in the mood for something light and relaxed."

  
My friend smiled, "I have the perfect place."

  
***

  
We drove up to a small coffee shop. The exterior was made mostly of dark wood, which contrasted greatly against the lighted Vegas backdrop. The painted sign read 'The Screaming Bean'. "It's open twenty-four seven, and is never too busy," Pete explained to me on the way in.

  
The inside was empty except for the employees and one customer slumped over a laptop with headphones on. Pete and I walked up to the counter where a young, female barista was ready to take our order. After ordering, we sat down at a table. "Nice place, right?" Pete smiled at me.

  
"It's pretty nice," I responded, "It reminds me of the coffee shop that I met Sarah in."

  
My wife and I, Sarah, were married for five years. I won her over by writing her a song called Sarah Smiles. After she heard it, we started dating and got married. For me, it was a happy marriage. But, right before Pray For The Wicked came out, she told me she wanted a divorce. When I asked her why, her only response was that she couldn't keep up with my 'Rock Star Lifestyle'. Though we split on okay terms, I couldn't help but miss her.

  
Pete must've seen the sad look on my face and patted my hand. "Don't worry, Brendon. You'll find love again."

  
"Easy for you to say, you're dating Mikey," I say, pouting at him.

  
"There has to be someone else out there for you."

  
"I only ever loved Sarah."

  
"Now, I know your lying. What about Ry-" He got cut off when the barista called our names for our coffee.

  
We walked up to the counter, where she handed us our cups, plus an extra coffee. "Can you give this cup to the young man with the headphones?" she asked, "I called him up a while ago, but he didn't hear me."

  
As we walked away, I looked at the name on the stranger's cup- Ryan. Pete patted my shoulder, "Relax, it's a common name."

  
When we got to the table, I tapped on the stranger's shoulder, "Excuse me," He looked up from his laptop and pulled off his headphones. Staring at me were the deep, brown eyes I had spent all too many times thinking about. What once was floppy hair now stood straight up, like mine. His skin looked so smooth, I wanted to caress his cheek, just like I used to do. Most of all, I wanted his press his pink lips against mine.

  
But I didn't. It was too late for that. Ryan stared at me in shock, "Brendon?"

  
**Ryan's POV**

  
"Brendon?" The name left my mouth before I could stop it. He looked as shocked to see me, as I was to see him. Suddenly, swarms of memories came back to me all at once- Us playing together in the band, us dating, the breakup.

  
He blinked a few times before placing a coffee cup on the table. "This is yours," he said quickly. He started to walk away, but Pete Wentz, who I didn't even notice was there until that moment, grabbed his arm. "Pete, let me go." Brendon glared at him, but Pete held on and whispered something to Brendon, that made him nod and stay put.

  
Pete pulled two chairs from another table, so he and Brendon could sit down across from me. "So Ryan, what have you been up too?" he asked.

  
I shrugged, looking down at my lap. I didn't mind talking to Pete since we were still on good terms, but with Brendon there it was just awkward. "Uhh, you know," I stammered, "Just making new music and stuff."

  
"Cool!" Pete smiled, "Anything you might release?"

  
"Maybe. If I think it's good enough."

  
"Well, I'd love to hear some of it sometime. I'm working on a new album, and so is Brendon. Do you listen to any of Panic!'s music from after you left?"

  
I turned ridged. "Umm, not really," I lied. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Brendon droop down a little.

  
The truth was, I listened to Panic! At the Disco's new music all the time. It was a way to connect with Brendon without actually meeting him. Plus, it made me miss him just a little less.

  
"You should, it's some really good stuff," Pete shrugged, while Brendon shook his head. There was a long silence before he added "I'll be right back," and got up and walked towards the restroom.  
Brendon and I sat in an awkward silence before he decided to say something. "So, what were you listening to?" He nodded towards my headphones which were resting on the table.

  
"The Beatles," I said, looking down.

  
"Oh, you still listen to them?" he asked.

  
I shake my head, "You don't have to do this."

  
"Do what?"

  
"Pretend like nothing happened!" I started to raise my voice. I didn't want to get mad at him, but I couldn't help it. I envied him for his ability to ignore the elephant in the room.

  
"I- I don't know what to say," he whispered, after a moment of silence.

  
"Sorry is a good start," I muttered.

  
"Sorry for what!?" This time, it was Brendon's turn to raise his voice. "I thought the breakup was mutual!"

  
"Of the band, yes, of us..." I trailed off, not wanting to say what I was thinking.

  
I looked up at Brendon and saw he was nodding. "That was my fault, mostly. You're right. I'm sorry."

  
He was about to say something else, but Pete came back to our table. "Sorry," he said, "What did I miss?"

  
I opened my mouth to speak, but Brendon talked first. "Nothing. You missed nothing."

  
I closed my laptop and got up, "I should go. I have things to do."

  
I started to walk away, but Pete called after me. "Wait, Ryan! I'm hosting a party at PURE tomorrow night. Do you want to come and hang out?"

  
After peering at Brendon and saw his face has no immediate reaction to Pete's question, I thought about it. PURE was a nightclub that was invitation only. I never got invited, but always wanted to go; this was my chance, regardless if that meant more awkward conversation with Brendon. "Sure, I'll be there," I said before walking out of the shop.


	2. Chapter 2

**Brendon's POV**

  
I hadn't expected Ryan to actually want to go to Pete's party. After he said yes, I thought about not going myself, but then changed my mind since I probably wouldn't see him anyway, considering over 500 people were going.

  
The next night, I stood in front of my full-length mirror, observing my blue suit from all angles. There wasn't really a dress code, so I thought "Hey, go big or go home".

  
I went out of my house and climbed into the waiting limo. Could I drive myself to the party? Yes, but like I said- Go big or go home. The drive took less than half an hour, due to Vegas being a pretty small city.

  
PURE was closed to the public for the night, so only people on the guest list could go in. Of course, I was on the list. The inside of the main part of the club had high ceilings decorated with flashy lights.

The floor was made of sparkly white marble. I walked past the rows of sofa's and straight to a roped off area marked 'VIP'.

  
It was me who suggested that Pete had a special hangout spot for his closest friends, and he really went above and beyond for it. Instead of sophisticated white couches like the rest of the club, the VIP Zone was filled with colorful beanbag chairs. The sunken floor was covered in a shaggy, grey carpet, and curtains were hung on three sides for privacy.

  
After being checked that I was on the VIP list by a bouncer, I climbed in the Zone and quickly located Pete, who was sitting in a red beanbag chair. He was wearing a simple black shirt on with jeans and was making me feel quite overdressed. "Hey, you're early," he said upon seeing me, which was true. While the rest of the club was half full, the only other person in the Zone besides Pete and I, was Pete's boyfriend, Mikey.

  
"I wanted to hang out with you before everyone else got here," I lied, truth be told I came early because I was extremely bored at home. Ever since the divorce, I haven't had much to do, outside of touring.

  
"Well," Pete smiled, "I'm glad you're here."

  
I took a seat in a beanbag chair and watched as people poured into the club. After a couple of minutes, I was offered a drink by a waiter, which I happily took and drank, without even asking what it was. I didn't even care when I slipped into a gentle sleep.

**Ryan's POV**

  
I spent the day of the party deciding whether I should actually go. All my old friends would probably be there, and I'd love to see them. All of them, except Brendon. Our encounter at the coffee shop was less than pleasant and I didn't look forward to seeing him again- It brought back too many painful memories. Eventually, I came to the conclusion to just suck it up and go. After all, I already told Pete that I'd be there.

  
Unfortunately, that meant I'd have to find something to wear. Ever since The Young Veins had gone on a hiatus of an undetermined comeback, I had been tight on money. Since I never had a need for anything more than casual wear, I had gotten rid of almost anything that wasn't a t-shirt or jeans. Eventually, I found a suitable button-down and jeans.

  
As I was about to leave, I saw something sticking out of the very back of my closet that I didn't see before. When I pulled it out to see what it was, my heart stopped. In my hands, was a red vest with a trail of silk roses fanning out from one shoulder. I wore the vest at a majority of shows during the first era of Panic! at the Disco. It brought tears to my eyes just thinking about all the memories. I thought I threw it out a long time ago.

  
Just to see what it felt like, I put the vest on one last time and looked in my full-length mirror. That was when I really started crying. Without looking at my hair and lack-of stage makeup, I looked exactly like I did touring with Panic!. For the first time in the ten years since the breakup, I felt complete- almost. Still, something was missing...

  
I don't know if it was for the nostalgia or the attention, but I ended up keeping on the vest. Going into the party, I saw that I was a bit underdressed; all the boys were wearing tuxes or suits, the girls wearing mostly cocktail dresses. Still, a lot of people loved my vest. A lot of times, it was the only reason why they recognized me in the first place.

  
At first, the atmosphere of PURE was overwhelming. The music was blasting some rock music where the singer was screaming more than singing, and a lot of the party-goers were screaming right along with him (I found out after the party that the band was called Falling In Reverse, and started to listen to them myself). Eventually, after pushing through a million sweaty, dancing people, I finally saw someone I recognized- It was Brendon. Luckily, he was asleep on a giant beanbag and didn't see me.

  
However, Pete, who was sitting next to him, did see me. "Ryan, you came!" he bellowed, waking up Brendon. Before I could leave, a bouncer was opening up the roped-off section in which they were sitting.

  
I took a seat on a black beanbag across from Pete. "I didn't think you'd actually come," he said.

  
"I didn't think I would, either," I shrugged, trying to look anywhere but at Brendon. Some people near the bar were looking at me and whispering to each other. Clearly, they were surprised to see me. I just hoped that they wouldn't think I was joining I was joining Panic! again.

  
After a couple minutes of silence, I snuck a look at Brendon, who was looking right back at me with an anxious face, clearly wanting to say something. Pete saw this too, and stood up. ¨Weĺl leave you two alone,¨ he said, leaving and taking Mikey with him.

  
I closed my eyes, not wanting to deal with my past. I could feel tears collecting in my eyes, threatening to break through my lids and spill down my cheeks. Then, I heard his mesmerizing voice, "Why did you come?"

  
I cleared my throat which felt like it was closing up. I wanted to open my eyes, but was scared he'd see my tears. "I just thought I'd say hi to some old friends," I said, hoping he didn't think I was referring to him. I slowly looked up at him to see his reaction.

  
Brendon didn't say anything right away, his eyes looking anywhere but mine. I saw him sizing up my outfit, his eyes landing on my vest. He shook his head, "Are you sure you're not here to torture me?"

Before I could say anything, he continued. "I've been clean of you for almost five years, and you just decide to show up and mess with my head!"  
"I'm not here to see you!" I snapped, "I don't even want to be here!"

  
"Then leave."

  
I was about to follow Brendon's command, when I heard Pete's voice coming over the speaker, and turned to see him on the stage, holding an acoustic guitar. "Hi everyone, I first off wanted to thank you all of coming to my party. Second off, and probably most importantly, I would like to call a very special guest on the stage. Everyone, give it up for Ryan Ross!"

  
My cheeks swelled with heat, I could feel everyone staring at me. Without my permission, my legs got up and walked on stage, my cheeks still bright red. Everyone cheered and chanted my name. For a moment, I remembered what it was like to get on stage and perform. I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss it.

  
"Ryan, I can speak for everyone when I say we're so happy you're here." Pete leaned on me as he spoke. He was drunk. "I'm also happy to see you perform after all these years!"  
"Wait, what?" I started, but before I could say anything, he shoved the guitar into my hands.

  
Pete must have saw how terrified I looked. "Well I guess I couldn't expect you to just bang out an awsome performance by yourself. Brendon, can you please get up here?"

  
Brendon looked shocked for about three seconds. Then, his need to please everyone took over. While waving and giving everyone his heart-melting smile, he got up and made his way over to the other side of Pete, not looking at me once. "What song do we sing?" he whispered to Pete, in an unthrilled voice.

  
Pete thought for a moment, then smiled and talked into the microphone. "Who wants to hear Brendon and Ryan sing Northern Downpour?!" Of course, everyone cheers, and Pete leaves us on the stage, with nothing in between us.

  
I stared at the ground with my stage fright kicking in, feeling like everything was closing in on me. I couldn't breath. I started shaking, tears started to fill my eyes. It was one thing ten years ago when I performed every night. I was able to get used to being on stage. But after hiding from the public made me vulnerable again.

  
Just when I was about to fall to my knees and cry, I felt a hand on my shoulder. "I know you don't want to do this," Brendon whispered to me. He was so close, I could feel his breath against my ear. I almost fell in love with him all over again. Almost.

  
He was right though. Singing Northern Downpour with Brendon again was my worst nightmare. Still, I couldn't let him see it got to me. I turned and looked at him straight in the eye. "I can do this," I said, my voice only wavering a bit. Hopefully, he didn't notice.

  
I started playing the song that I haven't played in over ten years. I ignored the meaning of the lyrics that I poured my heart into writing so many years ago. I ignored the way Brendon's voice harmonized with mine. I ignored him slowly leaning in towards me throughout the song. I kept on my poker face the whole time. Nobody could see I was dying inside. Finally the song ended and our audience exploded into cheers. Brendon was about to say something to me when I ran off the stage.

  
In the moment, I didn't know where I was going, but I ended up at the bar. After six shots, I was drunk, but I kept drinking. I don't know how much time passed when the bartender told me the club was closing. I stood up and could barely walk. PURE was empty at that point, so I had no one to help me. Eventually, I got to the door of my car.

  
"Where are you going?" Brendon called to me from outside a limo across the street.

  
"Home," I called back, struggling to find my keys. That was when I saw Brendon jangling them at me.

  
He saw me staring at them. "I had someone steal them when you were getting drunk. You're too hammered to drive home."

  
Everything after that was a blur. I remember Brendon helping me across the street and into the back of his limo, I remember puking and him rubbing my back and cleaning me up, and I remember him covering me with a blanket as I fell asleep in his bed.

**Brendon's POV**

  
I watched Ryan fall asleep in my bed. I was tempted to kiss his forehead like I used to do when he fell asleep. Instead, I went and layed down on my couch, and fell asleep thinnking about how much I missed him, and how I'd do anything to get our relationship back.


	3. Chapter 3

**Brendon's POV**

I woke up with a sore back from sleeping on the hard couch. As I quietly made myself a coffee, I couldn't help but think about what would happen when Ryan woke up. He would probably be furious at me for bringing him to my house, but I couldn't let him drive himself home when he was as drunk as he was.

I didn't have to wonder much longer, for I heard the creak of the bedroom door open. Out stepped Ryan, looking like he was just hit by a bus. He was hunched over, clinging to the doorframe as he walked, with purple circles under his eyes. His hair was wet from just taking a shower, though he was still wearing his puke-stained shirt and pants from the night before. "Where's my vest and keys?" he asked, groggily. I took his iconic rose vest off of him soon after he started puking before it could get any vomit on it.

"I'm not telling you," I shook my head. "You can hardly walk, you're not going home yet."

Before he could protest, I went over, wrapped his arm around my shoulders with mine under his armpits, and slowly helped him towards my couch. I made the mistake of putting my face too close to his drooping head, for when I did, my lips became magnetic with his face, and they lightly pressed against his temple. Luckily, he seemed too hungover to notice. I turned my head away, but my lips still tingled from the encounter. Eventually, I was able to plop him on my couch, where he curled up into a fetal position.

I stood there looking at him, not sure what to do. "Do you need anything?" I finally asked, but got only a groan as an answer.

Ever since I got home from touring, I haven't had much to do, so I went into the kitchen, turned on YouTube, and started watching fan covers of Panic! songs. Ever since High Hopes topped the charts, there has been a boom of covers, some amazing, some terrible, but I love them all. It reminded me of how big of an impact I was making on people.

I spent half the day watching people sing, mostly newer songs. Eventually, I stumbled upon two people singing Northern Downpour and made the mistake of clicking it. As soon as they started singing, I was flooded with memories of last night singing with Ryan. I dreamt about singing with him again for eight years, thinking it would give me closer. But instead, it made me fall in love with him all over. I was almost happy he got drunk so I had no choice but to drive him to my house. I didn't want him to leave me again.

My train of thought was interrupted my shuffling footsteps coming up to me. Clearly, Ryan was feeling better. "Those two are good," he said, referring to the video, and then paused. "Can we talk about what happened last night? I can't stop thinking about it."

I closed my laptop and nodded, avoiding looking him in the eye. "Me neither. It brought back feelings I never thought I'd feel again." I couldn't believe I was confessing my feelings to him. "Please, tell me you feel the same."

Ryan stared at me for a good ten seconds, before shaking his head, "I really fucking hate you sometimes, Brendon."

My heart sunk. Quickly, I tried thinking something up that could save me. "Yeah, you should. After what happened, I expect nothing less from you. What I'm feeling, it's not real," I lied, "It's probably just nostalgia."

He blinked at me, "You sure?"

I nodded.

The corner of Ryan's mouth tugged upward, "In that case, I want to thank you for driving me here and not kicking me out. And I was actually wondering if you wanted to start hanging out again."

I felt my mouth hang open a bit, then close. That was the last thing I expected him to say. If he had asked me at the beginning of the party yesterday, I would refuse him in a second. But singing with him, helping him when he was drunk, it changed how I felt. I went to hating him, to being back in love with him. I knew it was highly unlikely that we would ever date again. The Fight was too huge to allow that, but I could settle with being friends with him. "Yeah," I smiled, "I would like that."

For the first time in forever, Ryan smiled. "Really? I- Wow, thank you." He then covered his smile with one hand. "What now?" he asked. When all I did was shrugged, he held out his arms. "May I?"

I nodded and wrapped my arms around him as he did the same to me. As my chin all but rested on his shoulder, nothing but pure joy flooded through my body. I forgot about everything in the world except what was in my arms. I breathed in and smelled my body wash and shampoo coming off of Ryan. I smiled, it was almost like I marked my territory on him, telling everyone that he was mine, even if he wasn't anymore.

While my left hand was on his lower back, my right hand rested on the back of his neck, just below where his hair hung, I was tempted to run my hand through it like I used to, but refrained. My cheek was up against Ryan's jawline, which I felt was clenched, not sure if it was good or bad. I pressed my cheek against it, and it eased. I almost cried because of how happy I was and wanted to live in that moment forever.

**Ryan's POV**

The words fell out of my mouth, "And I was actually wondering if you wanted to start hanging out again." I don't know why I said it. I could just leave and pretend like nothing ever happened, but something told me to stay and try to make amends.

I was expecting Brendon to get mad and tell me to leave. I was expecting him to tell me to fuck off and that it was too late to try to mend our friendship. But instead, he smiled, "Yeah, I'd like that."

"Really? I- Wow, thank you," I stuttered, overwhelmed by happiness, yet wondering if I made a mistake. We just stood there for a couple of seconds, until I said, "What now?"

All he did was shrug.

I looked into his chocolate eyes and a weird feeling surged through my body like I had to be touching him. I decided to play it off as nothing more than nostalgia; like Brendon said earlier, because there was surely no way I was back in love with him. He hurt me more than anything or anyone else ever has.

Still, the feeling was still there. It was like he was a drug that I was having withdrawal from, that I needed _right now_ _,_ not mattering that I was okay without him for five years. I held my arms out to hug him. What harm could a hug do? "May I?" I asked, again expecting him to say no, but instead, he nodded.

Our arms slipped around each others body like butter, like they were supposed to be there. My hands grabbed the back of his shirt- I didn't want to let him go. I had no idea nostalgia could be so strong. It was so strong in fact, that my lips wanted to feel it too. They wanted to feel what it was like to press against his, just like they used to. The fact that he was pressing his cheek against mine didn't make things any better. Unfortunately, I already told Brendon that I don't have feelings for him anymore. Otherwise, I might have gotten away with a kiss.

Unsure what to do but not wanting to pull away, I started rubbing Brendon's back is small circles, making him sink into me just a little more. He started doing the same to my lower back, but his circles were bigger than mine, so they dipped on to the top of my butt. I almost stopped him and told him to fuck off. The thing was, I didn't even think he even noticed what he was doing. His intentions were innocent. Yet, that doesn't mean what it made me want to do to him was. It made me think of all the times we were intimate. It was only at those times where I felt one hundred percent comfortable in my own skin.

As I started to think more in detail of those times, my pants started to get tight. Luckily at the same time, the phone rang so we had to pull away. "Fuck nostalgia," I muttered under my breath. 

"Yeah, of course you can," Brendon talked into the phone, "I'll be here; bye." He hung up and turned to me. "There's a huge freak snowstorm coming, it should hit in half an hour. Pete, Mikey, and Patrick were all on their way to the airport, but they wouldn't make it in time. They're coming to crash here while they wait it out"

"A snowstorm? In Vegas, in October?" I asked. "How's that even possible?"

"I don't know, the weatherman is blaming global warming or some shit."

"Wait," I paused, "How am I going to get home?"

Brendon started to smile, but quickly turned away so I didn't see it. "I guess you'll just have to stay here too. There are three extra bedrooms you can choose from."

I chuckled, "Brendon, you live by yourself. Why do you need a four bedroom house?"

He turned to me, giving me a pitiful look. "Before we separated, Sarah and I were thinking about starting a family."

I remember hearing about Sarah Urie, formerly and newly Sarah Orzechowski, back in 2010 when they started dating. Being only a year after the Fight and me leaving Panic!, I was devastated. To think that Brendon had moved on was unbearable; it made me realize I still loved him (of course, that feeling has completely diminished since then). I poured all my time into The Young Veins after that, trying to distract myself from anything Panic! related. It started to work until 2013, when I got an invitation in the mail to Brendon's and Sarah's wedding, mailed by Sarah herself. Of course, I didn't go.

I ended up regretting not going to the wedding. It was my one chance to see Brendon, that was until the Too Weird To Live, Too Rare To Die! tour. The urge to see him was unbearable, so I bought VIP tickets to go.

"I'm sorry," I said to Brendon, actually meaning it. He had a miserable look on his face, probably pained from thinking about his former wife. I wanted to hug him again, to make him feel better, but I know that would be pushing it.

"It's fine," he whimpered, and went into his bedroom to wait until the company came.


	4. Chapter 4

**Brendon's POV**

Laying in my bed and staring up at the ceiling, I thought about Sarah. I knew Ryan didn't know any better than not to bring her up, but it still hurt. She was the one to help me through the aftermath of the breakup of Panic!, and stuck by me through thick and thin for five years. Even at my lowest point during the Too Weird To Live, Too Rare To Die! tour when I wasn't the greatest husband, she decided to forgive me.

_It was about a month before Pray for the Wicked came out that we decided that we wanted to start a family. We were laying in the same bed, watching one of those cheesy family sitcoms, the type where the family gets into some argument of sorts, only to make up and become closer in the end. As it ended Sarah rolled over to face me, put her hand on my cheek, and smiled. "Do you think we'd make good parents?" she asked, softly._

_I smiled back at her, staring deep into her ocean blue eyes, "You, my dear, would make an amazing mommy." Then, I sighed and turned away from her. "I, however, would make a shitty dad."_

_Sarah shook her head, "Why would you say that? You have the kindest, most generous soul I ever saw."_

_Tears started to well in my eyes, "Even after what happened on the Too Weird tour?"_

_My wife gave me a sympathetic frown. "You still think about that?" she asked._

_I covered my face with my hands, so she couldn't see me cry, "I'm sorry, Baby." As she moved to put her head on my chest, I muttered into her ear, "I don't deserve you."_

_"It was a mistake," she said, "You weren't thinking and everything just moved so fast. It wasn't your fault." I didn't know if she was trying to convince me or herself._

_We laid in silence for a couple of moments until I nudged her shoulder, making her look at me. I smiled, "I'd love to have kids with you."_

My train of thought was interrupted when I heard a knock on my bedroom door. "Brendon?" Ryan asked, poking his head in, "I really am sorry about what I said."

I put on a brave face and motioned for him to come in. "It's fine, you didn't know," I said and tried to think of something to change the subject to. I nodded to his clothes, which were still stained with puke. "You should change before the guys get here."

"But I have nothing to change into," he said, but I was already heading to my closet.

After some shuffling around, I took out a white t-shirt and jeans and handed them to Ryan. "They will probably be short on you, but it beats smelling your barf."

I turned back to my closet to look for something to change into, for I was still in my pajamas. When I turned back around with clothes in my hands, my heart nearly stopped. Ryan had decided to change right there in my bedroom and was in nothing but his boxers. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. He was just as skinny as he used to be, but more muscular. His shoulders were also broader, and dare I say it, he had more of an ass. I was only able to observe him for a few seconds before he pulled clothes on. "They don't fit too badly," he said, turning to face me, I wasn't able to say anything back, because I was still processing what I just saw. "Thanks, Dude," he said, patting my shoulder before leaving.

After I got dressed, Ryan and I watched TV until there was a knock at the door. Before I could even get up to open it, Pete came busting in with Patrick and Mikey on his tail. "It is freezing out, isn't Nevada supposed to be warm?"

"Usually," I shrugged and patted him on the back. "It's good to see you sober again."

"Yeah... Sorry about making you guys sing and shit last night. No hard feelings?"

Ryan and I looked at each other before nodding, "Yeah it's good. Honestly, if it wasn't for you making us sing together, we wouldn't be friends again."

Pete raised his eyebrows, "Wait- you two are back together?"

"No!" Ryan interjected before I could respond. "We're just friends."

"'Just friends'," Patrick chuckled, "That's what you two said the last time. A week later, you had your tongues in each other's mouths twenty-four seven."

"I'm ignoring that comment," I crossed my arms. "The guest rooms are at the end of that hallway, though the one on the right is already claimed by Ryan."

The three thanked me and went into the spare rooms, Pete and Mikey in one, and Patrick in the other. I couldn't help to hear whispers as they walked away. "How long do you think it will be until they're together again?" Mikey asked, barely audible.

I strained my ears as Pete spoke, for they were getting farther away. "Five hours most until they're screwing, a day until they're dating, though they won't admit it until after a week.'

I rolled my eyes and tried to ignore them, and looked over at Ryan to see if he heard. He just shook his head as he texted on his phone. I tried to turn my head away, but my eyes were locked looking at him. His slightly wavy brown hair hung down to his cheekbones, partly covering his warm, gentle eyes. His pink lips were slightly pursed and pressed against one another as if he was thinking of something long and hard. I remember whenever they pursed when we were younger, I got an overwhelming urge to kiss them. I bit my own bottom lip and held on tight to the couch cushion, resisting the urge to get up.

All of a sudden, I felt a hand on my shoulder making me jump. "Staring at someone like that isn't a very platonic thing to do," Mikey whispered in my ear. 

"Fuck off," I mouthed, and he laughed and sat down.

Looking at Ryan, he said, "So, Ryan, tell me about yourself."

Ryan twiddled his thumbs as he spoke, "There's nothing really interesting about me. Ever since I left Panic!, I've been living on the outskirts of Vegas, working in a guitar center."

"Do you have any special someone in your life?"

His cheeks turned bright pink as he looked at the ground. "No, not really. I've kind of given up on love."

Mikey nodded, "I know the feeling, I've been married and divorced twice. After that, I started to think that I was a hopeless case. That was until I reconnected with Pete. Maybe that's what you need to do. Instead of dating new people, try reconnecting with someone and dating them again." He gave me a subtle wink as he said the last part.

Before Ryan could say anything, Pete came bursting into the room. "I found booze!" he said, holding up three bottles.

"I honestly forgot I had those," I shrugged. "But that's your plan? To just drink until the storm's over?"

"Why not? The power is going to go out soon and there's nothing else do." With that, he popped open a bottle and went to the kitchen in search of cups.

~~~

**Ryan's POV**

Five hours later, during the height of the storm, the five of us sat together in a circle on the floor, drinking the day away. At the moment, we were playing a game where Player A tried to guess something about Player B that they wouldn't know. If they get it right, Player B drinks, if they get it wrong, Player A drinks.

Patrick laughed as he clutched a red solo cup in his hand. "Okay, I have a good one- Brendon, you have been in a polyamorous relationship before."

Giggling, Brendon shook his head. "Drink," he said. "I wouldn't want to divide my love between two people. Now I have one for you, You and Pete secretly dated."

Pete covered his face and laughed, "I had a crush on him for a while but we never dated."

Filling Brendon's cup up, Patrick said, "I'm actually straight, sorry to break it to you, so drink up. Peterick is one of the ships that never sailed, thank god."

Pete playfully smacked his arm, "I'm not bad to date! Right, Mikey?"

"I'm straight!" Patrick snapped.

Everyone erupted into a fit of laughter. It was probably the most I laughed or even smiled in a long time. Pete stopped laughing first, "Okay, this one is for Ryan." I mentally prepared myself. "You're still in love with Brendon."

Everyone stared at me, waiting for an answer. Brendon was biting his lip, slightly shaking. He told me before that he was over me, but was he really? And even more important, was I still over him? The day before, I hated him. But throughout today, he grew on me. I started to remember why I fell in love with him. That didn't mean I was _back in love_ with him, did it? 

I shook my head, it was probably just all the alcohol in my system impairing my thinking mixed with nostalgia. There was no way I had feelings for Brendon again. I looked Pete straight in the eye, "Drink". Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Brendon close his eyes and sigh, of relief or disappointment I didn't know.

The smart thing to do would be not to keep thinking about the question. After all, it was just part of a stupid game. Every time I looked at Brendon afterward though, he was giving me a pitiful look. His adorable puppy eyes felt like they burned my head. It made my heart melt. It made me want to go over and hug him or even kiss- _shit_.

A day and a half. That's apparently all it took for me to fall back in love with him. I buried my head in my hands. Though, it could still just be nostalgia. There was only one way to find out.

I got up and ushered Brendon into his bedroom with me and closed to door. The others were too drunk to notice. He sat on the edge of the bed, "What's up?" he asked.

I sat next to him. "I just want to try something," I whispered. I moved my mouth to be with his, but chickened out halfway through. But before I could move away, Brendon closed the rest of the gap.

So numb from being drunk, I didn't even realize we were kissing at first. I gently sucked his bottom lip as I placed my hands on either side of his head. I've kissed many girls in my lifetime, but none of them had a big of lips as Brendon. I slid my tongue on them, he tasted like booze.

I felt him pulling me towards him, pressing up against him more and more. My heart was practically exploding out of my chest. I've been craving his kiss for such a long time. It wasn't even a sexual one, just pure blissful romance.

Then I realized, no memories flooded back to me when we started kissing. That meant one thing- It wasn't nostalgia. _Fuck..._

**Brendon's POV**

I was kissing Ryan Ross. _Sick._  

I didn't even know how it happened. One moment, we were playing a game with everyone, the next we were sitting on my bed making out. I was enjoying the fuck out of it. My hands kept grabbing the back of his shirt and pulling him closer. It felt like I was flying.

All of a sudden, I felt tears running down my cheeks, but they weren't coming from my eyes. Ryan pulled away to wipe his tears. "I'm sorry, I'm just really happy."

I nodded, "I am too." 

We started kissing again, me being too drunk to know what was happening. All I knew was before I knew it, we were having sex. That's the last thing I remembered before blacking out.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating for a while! Unfortunately, I had to take a break from writing to focus on my mental health. However, I will be updating a lot more in the future!

**Ryan's POV**

I lied on the floor on Brendon's living room, staring up at the ceiling, trying to remember what had happened the day before. The last thing I remember was Pete announcing that he had found booze in one of the spare bedrooms. After that was absolutely nothing. I turned to Patrick, who was sitting on the couch. "Do you remember what happened last night?" I asked groggily.

"Yeah," Patrick moaned, "We got shitheaded, and Pete and Mikey fucked. I learned that second one the hard way."

I let out an empty chuckle, "Where's Brendon?" I asked.

"Another thing I found out the hard way. I went into his bedroom to see if he remembered what happened last night, and he was butt-naked. Probably was jerking off last night."

Squeezing my eyes closed, I tried to prevent the image of Brendon's naked body enter my head. Even after all these years, I still probably knew every inch of it. Not that I wanted to.

Slowly, I climbed to my feet and went to the freezer to get myself an ice pack for my pounding head. Of course, that's when Brendon came in, luckily wearing a t-shirt and jeans. "I got so hammered last night, fucking woke up naked."

"I heard, and luckily didn't see it."

He leaned his shoulder against the freezer in front of me so I was unable to ignore him. "C'mon, you know you miss my body." 

I was tempted to hit him with the ice pack I held in my hands. "Stop," I said instead, "You're still drunk."

Brendon took the ice pack from me and balanced it on his head, then took my hands in his, me being too tired and in pain to care. "I was kidding. I know that we're just friends."

"Then why are you holding my hands?" I asked, though I was noticing I was slurring my words.

"Because they're cold." Shitty excuse, Brendon. I started to wonder the real reason, then it hit me. Brendon couldn't still be in love with me, could he? I quickly erased the thought, he said he wasn't, and I had to trust him. Otherwise, how could we be friends? 

I pulled my hands away and took the ice pack back, "So you don't remember what happened last night?"

He shrugged, "I don't, but probably nothing eventful. The question is, what are we going to do today?"

I huffed, "Wait out our hangovers out. Sleep."

"Well, while you sleep, I need to dig out the driveway so the guys can leave. Then I was thinking that we can maybe jam or write songs together."

Automatically, I smiled. I used to love writing songs with Brendon. He was always so supportive of my ideas, even if they weren't the best. Most of all, he understood me and what I was trying to say more than anyone else. We were perfect partners. "Yeah," I said, looking away, embarrassed. "I'd like that."

***

Pete, Patrick, and Mikey ate half of Brendon's fridge, then left once the driveway and roads were clear of snow. I for a brief moment was glad I was alone again, until I remembered I was alone with Brendon. With nobody else to intervene, there was sure to be many awkward moments and conversations between us. Yet, something told me to stay. Maybe deep in my mind, I knew if I left now, I would never talk to Brendon again.

When I told Brendon my decision to not go home yet, he looked surprised yet relieved. "Yeah, that's cool. Umm, you can borrow more of my clothes if you want. I'll be on the roof, shoveling snow off of it."

Once he left, I went into his closet and picked out a new outfit, this time a white button up and a pair of red velvet pants behind everything else that I can't help but picturing his ass in, pushing down the swoony feeling in the process. To complete the look, I go into the laundry room and find my rose vest to put on.

I looked in the mirror and decided it wasn't enough. In the master bathroom, I found a straightening iron, scissors and some eyeliner, probably left over from Sarah. After almost burning my hair off and snipping the ends, I carefully drew a jagged starburst shape coming out of my eyes with eyeliner, then colored in my eyelids. 

When I took a step back to look at myself in the mirror, tears came to my eyes. I was nearly identical to my younger, 2006 self. I suddenly found myself wishing to return to those times, where I was playing music with my three best friends in the world- two of which, I haven't even seen in who knows how long. 

I was about to change and wipe off the makeup when I heard a voice behind me. "Ryan?" Brendon stood in the open doorway, "Holy shit," he said when I turned around to face him.

"I-I'm sorry," I trembled, though I did nothing wrong. I was just embarrassed that Brendon had seen me all dressed up.

"There's nothing to be sorry about," his eyes never leaving my throwback appearance. Then, he decides to change the subject. "There was a fuck-ton of snow up there," he nodded upwards towards the roof. "The roof caved in into the guest rooms. Unless one of us wants to sleep on the couch, you have to go home."

Panic started to rise in my chest, I couldn't go home, not yet. Quickly, I thought of a plan. "Umm, let me just call up my friend, to see if the roads are plowed near my street yet."

"Of course," he nodded.

I went into the living room and held my phone up to my ear, trying to think how to fake a phone call. "Hey, dude," I said, loud enough for Brendon to hear from his room. "I was just wondering if the roads are clear over there yet." After I paused for a good ten seconds, I said thank you to no one, and 'hung up' the phone.

"Well?" Brendon asked, walking into the living room.

"They're not clear yet," I said, then thought of another lie, "And actually, my whole house caved in. My whole place is ruined. I guess I'll have to stay here a little longer."

"Shit, Ry, I'm sorry." My heart involuntarily fluttered when he said my nickname. "But shouldn't you go and clean up and get someone to fix your roof?"

"My friend is actually doing all that for me; they owe me a favor." I thought of quickly.

He nodded, clearly buying it. "I'll sleep on the couch again tonight."

**Brendon's POV**

That night, at about midnight, I rolled over on the couch for the thousandth time. I just couldn't fall asleep, so, I stopped trying. Instead, I thought about all the ways I could try to get back together with Ryan. The easiest way was to probably go into my room and climb into bed with him. That would certainly spark something, though that something might be a fight instead. The only way was to get closer to him and make him realize that he still loves me.

After getting through that sleepless night, I got up early to make breakfast. When the smell of pancakes drifted through the house, Ryan finally came out of my room. "What's the occasion?" he asked.

"Just thought I'd be nice and make you pancakes." I flipped some on two plates and handed one to him. We both sat down at the dining room table, "Today we should go out and get you some clothes, so you can stop wearing mine."

***

And so we did. We went to Meadows Mall- a giant, three-floor mall that pretty much every resident in Vegas goes shopping at. We were just about done shopping when we saw a giant crowd of people around Hot Topic. I tapped on a man's shoulder, who seemed to be there with his teen daughter. "What's going on?" I asked him.

"There's a signing for some band my daughter likes."

"What band?" 

Before the man could respond, someone within the crowd pointed at us and shouted, "IT'S BRENDON URIE AND RYAN ROSS!" Suddenly, people crowded us, preventing us from leaving. Hot Topic employees rushed out and pulled both us and the band that the signing was for inside the backroom in the store.

Panting, I thanked the employee. Then, I turned around and fir the first time got a look at the other band. Standing there, with a man that seemed only vaguely familiar, was Dallon Weekes.

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

_It was 2014, during Panic! At The Disco's_ Too Weird To Live, Too Rare To Die _Tour. The band was performing the new hit song This Is Gospel. Brendon had the crowd so hyped up, they didn't even notice when he walked back and grabbed Dallons crotch in the middle of the show. Dallon gave him a questionable look to only get a wink in return._

_After the show, he approached Brendon about it. "Would you like to explain to me why the fuck you grabbed my junk on stage before?" he asked._

_Brendon chuckled, "Let's just say I was feeling exceptionally horny before."_

_Dallon shook his head in disbelief. He had ignored all of Brendon's flirtations up until now, but this- this crossed a line. He gave him a glare, "We're both married, I have two kids!"_

_Ignoring Dallons angry tone, Brendon took steps towards him, until their bodies were pressed up against each other, Dallon shaking. "None of which are here," Brendon whispered into the older boy's ear._

_Dallon felt his pants get tight, knowing what he felt was wrong. He loved his wife, Breezy, more than anything, yet here he was running his hands down Brendon's body._

_Soon, the two men were naked on the couch, their mouths and hands exploring each other's bodies. Suddenly, the tour buses door opened, it was Sarah and Breezy. "What the fuck!?"_

_Brendon and Dallon jumped up in a panic, looking for something to cover themselves with. "Breezy, honey, what are you doing here?" Dallon asked._

_"We both came here to surprise you two." She said, tears forming in her eyes. "I was even going to bring the kids but thankfully I didn't want to take them out of school. Otherwise, they would see what a cheating prick their dad is!"_

_"Breezy, I'm sorry, I didn't know what I was thinking. He seduced me." He pulled her into a hug. Breezy could have stayed mad at him, but she had kids to think about._

_Meanwhile, Brendon was begging for forgiveness to a crying Sarah. Like Breezy, she could've stayed mad at him, but instead, she stayed with him for four more years._

_Shortly after the incident, Dallon left Panic!, only to stay a touring member. He would have left entirely, but he needed the money. A couple of years after that, he left entirely. His and Brendon never made up._

**Brendon's POV**

The four of us awkwardly stared at each other, until the man next to Dallon speaks up. "You're Brendon Urie, right?" I nodded, "Dallon has told me so much about you, it's not to finally meet you. I'm Ryan Seaman."

I mindlessly shook the other Ryan's hand, still staring at Dallon, anger swelling up inside me. Really, I had nothing to be mad at him. After all, _I_ seduced _him_. 

Weirdly, he didn't seem mad at me. In fact, he looked almost happy. "Crazy seeing you here," he said to me, then turned to Ryan. "So you're the infamous Ryan Ross. I can't believe we're finally meeting. I wanted to meet you a few years back when I first joined Panic!, but Brendon said you two didn't talk anymore."

"Well, we actually just started hanging out again. So you two are in a band?"

Dallon and the other Ryan stared at each other and smiled. "Yeah, it's called I Don't Know How But They Found Me," Dallon said, smugly. "We can all get something to eat and I'll tell you all about it." 

~~~

After sneaking out of Hot Topic we ordered some food in the food court and took a table in the corner, so people would be less likely to see us.

"Brendon probably already knows all of this," Dallon started talking, "but I Don't Know actually formed when I was still in Panic! and Ryan was still in his band, Falling In Reverse." 

That explained why I recognized him. Falling In Reverse was the band that was playing at PURE that night. I nodded, "I saw you perform," I said to the other Ryan, "You're really good."

"Thanks," he said, "That actually means a lot, coming from you. Anyway, we are actually getting really popular really fast. Dallon thinks it's because of the music, but I think it's because we came from famous bands, mixed with the fact that people really respect us for being an openly engaged, same-sex couple."

I felt my jaw dropped and glared at Dallon. "What about Breezy and your kids?"

Dallon tensed up and looked away. "Umm, Breezy and I got divorced about a year ago. The kids are actually fine with it, because they like seeing us happy now that we're apart. They also really like Ryan, which is a plus." He eased up a little, "So, how long have you two been dating for?"

"We're not," I said, after a hint of hesitation. "We're just friends." Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ryan slump down a little.

Dallon and the other Ryan kept a straight face for exactly three seconds, before bursting into laughter. "You're telling us, that you two aren't dating?" Dallon wheezed.

"Yes... Why is that so hard to believe?" I asked.

"Have you seen yourselves? You two are attached at the hip. Not to mention, each of you lovingly gazing at each other, when the other isn't looking! Can you just try something to humor me? Can you kiss? Just to prove that you have nothing between each other."

I looked at Ryan, who was looking at me. My heart was fluttering in my chest. "It's not going to prove anything." He was giving me puppy eyes, and he didn't even know it.

Neither of us needed much convincing. Slowly, we started leaning in towards each other. I felt Ryan put one hand on my hip, and one on the back of my neck, I put mine around his middle. I suddenly realized I wanted nothing more than this in my entire life. When our lips were three inches apart, he whispered at me, "We don't have to do this, you know."

**Ryan's POV**

"We don't have to do this, you know," I said, though I instantly regretted it. I probably just wanted to show Dallon and Ryan that us kissing wouldn't change anything, that we were just bro's. (Right?)

Luckily, Brendon didn't say anything, and just continued to close the gap in between us. Then, our lips touched, and everything in the world melted away. All that mattered was me kissing him. Electricity pulsed through my body, making me feel more confident than I felt in a long time, and then, as quickly as it started, it was over.

When we pulled apart, Brendon had a look on his face, one I knew all too well. He was looking at me the way he always did when we used to date, the 'helplessly in love' look. Nostalgic my ass.

"So, you guys sure you're just friends?" Ryan asked. "Because it seems to me both of you really enjoyed that kiss."

Brendon sighed, still looking flustered. "We, umm. We need to go," and with that, he got up and left without saying goodbye.

Neither of us said anything on the ride home.


	7. Chapter 7

_The audience cheered, as Brendon,_ _Ryan_ _,_ _Spencer_ _and Jon took their final bows on stage. It was June of 2009 and none of the_ _band_ _members_ _knew it, but they would be taking their final bows together for the last time as a band._

_After the coast was clear and nobody outside of the band could see them, Ryan pulled Brendon into a kiss, "As always, you did an amazing job out there tonight," he said, when they pulled apart._

_"As always, you did too," Brendon_ _licked_ _his_ _lips_ _and smiled. "Of course, it took everything in me to drop everything and start kissing you during Northern Downpour."_

_Ryan snickered, "Yeah? Then what? We'd_ _lose_ _all our fans because nobody's parents wants their kids listening to fags."_

_"Hey," Brendon put his hands on the other man's shoulders, "We are not fags. We're not gay. You're bisexual, and I'm pretty sure I am too, though I feel a little more than that- But that doesn't matter. And even if we were gay, then so what? Doesn't make us any better or worse of people."_

_These were conversations the two often had. The two had been dating since 2005, not long after Panic! At The Disco formed as a band. Ever since, they had been inseparable, doing everything together. Still, they kept it a secret that they were dating, even going as far as dating girls._

_Brendon moved his face closer to Ryan's, "One day while we're on stage, I'm going to drop on one knee and propose to you in front of everyone."_

_Ryan stepped back, chuckling, "You know we can't get married. It's illegal."_

_"It won't be for much longer, more and more people are coming out as gay and bisexual. Soon, they'll be forced to make same-sex marriage legal. And then, I'll propose to you."_

_"I'll be looking forward to that day."_

_~~~_

_The band gathered around the small kitchen table of an apartment they were renting. "So I already starting writing some songs for the new album," Ryan said, dumping sheet music on the table."The sound is going to be like Pretty. Odd.s, only more... I guess you could say vintage?"_

_"Wait, " interjected Brendon, "I thought we agreed that we were only going to do one album in that style."_

_"Yeah, not to mention this song, in particular, is kind of suckish. A song about taking a vacation? What happened to deep meaning?" asked Spencer._

_Ryan frowned, "We agreed on the only one experimental album before we realized how popular it became. The people want to hear more like it."_

_Spencer slammed hand on the table, "People tolerated the album. Fever was and continues to be more popular. This new sound... it isn't us."_

_"It's the new us! Bren, Jon, help me out here."_

_"I like the new sound," said Jon._

_"I... agree with Spencer," shrugged Brendon, "And I'm the leader of this band, so what I say goes."_

_Ryan stood up, "_ You're _the leader? Who the fuck do you think founded this band? I did. We're doing these songs and in this style."_

_Brendon and Spencer stared at each, then nodded. "And what happens if you don't have a singer or drummer?"_

_"You wouldn't dare..."_

_"Fucking try us," Spencer challenged._

_"You know what? Fine. We'll fucking split the band up. You two, then me and Jon. But I'm just letting you know, I'm the mastermind here. You two are nothing without me." Ryan and Jon gathered up the papers and left to discuss the songs._

_"Thanks for standing up for me," Spencer nodded to Brendon._

_"Well, you were right. The band wouldn't survive if we kept doing those kinds of songs."_

_"Well, the band didn't survive anyway."_

_Brendon snickered, "That's where you're wrong. When people hear the name Panic! At The Disco, they think of me; I'm the frontman. That means we get to keep the name. We keep the name, we keep the fans. We already won. As of songs, I've had one in my back pocket for a while, it's called New Perspective. When we release it, it will give us more time to write a full album."_

_Spencer smiled, "I guess Ryan isn't the only mastermind here. But what's going to happen to you two's relationship?"_

_Brendon sighed, "That's what I'm going to find out right now."_

_He went across the hall and knocked on the door where Jon and Ryan were, the latter who answered. "What? Are you two crawling back already?"_

_"I'm here to ask what's happening between us, now."_

_Ryan stepped into the hallway and closed the door. "What do you mean?"_

_"Well, are we still dating?"_

_"Are you fucking kidding me!?" Ryan gave Brendon a disgusted look. "You turn your back against me and completely disrespect me, and then have the audacity to fuckin come here and ask if we're still dating?"_

_Brendon blinked, holding back tears. "That doesn't have to do with our personal lives. I still love you, Ryan."_

_"Too fucking bad," and with that, Ryan went back into his room and slammed the door. Brendon could do nothing but sit on the ground and cry into his arms. He had just lost the love of his life._

_That night, Ryan and Jon moved out and started a new band called The Young Veins. Brendon and Spencer would not see them for a very long time._

**Brendon's POV**

Ryan and I sat on separate sides of the same couch, watching Netflix, not saying anything. Several times, I wanted to say something to him, but couldn't get any words out of my mouth.

Finally, Ryan paused the movie we were watching, and turned to me, "Are we going to talk about what just happened?"

I sighed, and talked just loud enough for him to hear, "I don't know what to say."

He sucked on his lip as he thought, "Did you like it? The kiss, I mean."

My hands became clammy, as I stuttered, "Did you?"

Ryan looked away from me, before looking back. I could tell he was as nervous as I was. "I did."

My heart fluttered. He was finally where I wanted him, "I did too," I looked him in the eye, "a lot."

He smiled and shook his head, "Great. What now? Are you back in love with me?"

"Ryan, I never stopped loving you."

"Then why did you break up with me and get married?"

My teeth clenched together. "I got married to try to move on, to convince myself I could love someone else as much as I love you. _You_ broke up with _me_."

"You know that's bullshit. You're the one who didn't side with me when the band started splitting apart."

I got to my feet. "The band had nothing to do with our relationship! After you and Jon left, I went to your room and told you we could still be together."

Ryan got up so it felt like he was towering over me, "We couldn't be together because you completely disrespected me. You could've punched me in the face and it wouldn't have hurt as bad. Songwriting is the one thing I'm completely confident in, and you basically told me I wasn't good enough. You didn't believe in me when that's all I asked of you." He wiped away a few tears. "We didn't break up because of the band. We broke up because you didn't stick by my side when I needed you."

For a minute, I stood there, not saying anything. Finally, I stepped forward and put my hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry," I said softly, "I didn't realize. I was only focused on the success of the band."

He nodded, "And look at you now. Panic! is a household name. I'm proud of you, Brendon." He smiled at me, tears running down his cheeks.

We sat back down on the couch. "You know," I said, "I'd give it all up for you. The band, the fame, everything."

"You don't mean that..."

"I do," it was my turn to cry. "Ryan, I want you back in my life, and not just like it has been for the past couple days where we pretend to just be friends while suppressing our feelings. I want to be with you again, as both a bandmate and a lover."

Ryan just stared at me for a good two minutes, then said "Are you saying you want me back in the band?"

I nodded. "I want the three of you back. Spencer is sober now so he would probably be cool with it. I don't know about Jon, that would be on you to find out."

He sighed, "And what happens if we all get back together? Of course, we'd probably continue with the sound that you've been doing, but what happens if it doesn't work out again?"

"You guys could start off as just touring members. That way there's no commitment. There's this big Christmas show in December that I'm already set to perform at. We could test the waters there."

Ryan sat there and thought for a while. Finally, he nodded, "You call Spencer and I'll call Jon. Let's do this." Then, before I could say anything in return, he leaned in and kissed my lips.

~~~

I paced my living room floor, nervous to call Spencer. We hadn't talked for a good year, and the last couple of times we did, it was overwelmingly awkward. Finally, I pressed the call button.

He picked up on the third ring, "Brendon?"

"Hey, what's up?"

"Not much, I just came home from work."

"Oh cool," I said, suddenly sucking at small talk. "Where are you working these days?"

"I work for DCD2 and Crush Records. I'm a manager and A&R guy."

Spencer worked at the label I'm signed to? How did I not know that... "That's cool. So, um, I was wondering if you were free on December 24th."

"That's the day of the Christmas Concert, right?" he asked.

"Yeah, I was wondering if you could play for Panic! as a touring member again. If things go well you can maybe join the band again."

"Brendon..." the line was silent for a couple of seconds. "I'd love to be in the band again, especially if we start things slowly like you suggested. But, the band wasn't the best when it was just me and you."

I shook my head, even though Spencer couldn't see me, "What are you talking about? _Vices_ was amazing!"

"Yet Panics! lowest charting record..."

I huffed, "The fans still liked it. Besides, Ryan's back and-"

He cut me off, "Wait- Ryan's back!?"

"Yeah, he's on board with playing again. He's calling Jon right now to convince him to come back."

"Brendon, that's amazing! Are you two...like...you know," he stammered.

"Dating? Maybe? We haven't really clarified that yet. But are you in?"

Spencer sighed, before saying, "Yeah, I'm in."

**Ryan's POV**

I went over to Brendon when I was done on the phone with Jon. "He's in."

"So is Spencer, so what now?"

I shrugged, "Wait for them to fly in? Who else is playing at this concert, anyway?"

"Just a few other bands: Fall Out Boy, Twenty One Pilots, My Chemical Romance."

My mouth dropped open. "Those are really big bands, Brendon! There's no way I can be as good as them!"

Brendon stifled a laughter, "You were as good as them when you were in the band!" He moved in close and whispered to me so that his lips were touching my ear. "It's going to be amazing. Panic! is huge right now. Imagine how much bigger it will get when the people learn that the OGs are coming back"

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Ryan's POV**

While we waited for Jon and Spencer to arrive, Brendon and I were sitting on the floor of his home studio, throwing song ideas back and forth.

"What do you think of this?" Brendon asked, and proceeded to play a guitar riff that seemed way too heavy to be Panic! At The Disco. "I like to dabble in metal, sometimes."

I chuckled, "It's certainly interesting. Mostly, I've been doing some indie- sounding music." I took a place behind the piano and played a few verses of a Christmas song I've been working on, lyrics and all. "It's called The Bad List."

"Ryan, that's- that's beautiful," he said, his eyes practically turning into hearts. "Is it about anybody in particular?"

I blushed, "No, not really." We sat wordlessly for a couple of minutes while Brendon lightly strummed the guitar strings. "Hey, Bren. Can I ask you something?"

He looked up at me. "Hmm?"

"How many Panic! songs are about me?" I spit the words out before they could get stuck.

Brendon raised his eyebrows and let out a quick laugh. "Well, that's an embarrassing question. Especially since the answer is a lot of them. There are 32 songs the Panic! released after you left, and about half of them are about you."

"I don't know if I should be creeped out or flattered."

"You don't understand. When you left, it felt like my heart had been ripped out of me. Writing was the only way to cope."

I just stared down at my lap and didn't say anything. After we and the band broke up, I felt more angry than hurt. By the time I finally felt the pain without the anger, it was already too late.

When I looked back up, Brendon was about five inches away from my face. Without any further warning, he leaned forward and kissed me. I grabbed the collar of his shirt, and pulled his body closer to mine. Soon, he was on top of me, with me on my back.

Brendon was about to take his shirt off, when there was a knock on the front door. "They're here!" He got up and went to open the door for Jon and Spencer, with me, still laying on the piano bench, my heart pounding, too flustered to move.

**Brendon's POV**

I opened the door for Spencer and Jon, and let them into my house. "I haven't you guys in forever!"

"I'm not going to lie, I've missed your ugly mug," Jon joked.

As we made our way down to the studio, I could hear Spencer whisper "He definitely isn't ugly anymore." 

"Hey, guys," Ryan waved at them, guitar in hand, "Long time, no see."

Spencer turned to Jon, "You check Ryan, I'll check Brendon."

I didn't even have time to question what he said, before he pulled on my shirt collar, searching my neck and soldiers- for what I did not know, while Jon did the same to Ryan. "No hickeys here."

Jon stepped away from Ryan, "None here either; I'm surprised. You two really haven't hooked up yet?"

Ryan's face turned pink, while I rolled my eyes. "Grab your instruments," I told them.

"So, what are we playing at this concert?"

"Umm," I haven't really thought of it too much, "Maybe we should make a setlist first?" I grabbed a piece of paper, "Any ideas?"

~~~

Twenty minutes later, the setlist was made. We decided it was best to make it a mix of old and new songs:

_Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time_

_Ready To Go (Get Me Out Of My Mind)_

_Nine In The Afternoon_

_Camisado_

_High Hopes_

_This Is Gospel_

_Emperor's New Clothes_

_Lying In The Most Fun..._

_When The Day Met The Night_

_Hey Look Ma, I Made It_

_There's A Good Reason..._

_Dying In LA_

_Northern Downpour_

_I Write Sins Not Tragedies_

"Wow, you two are ambitious enough to try to sing Northern Downpour again? I heard how bad that went last time," Spencer remarked.

"It will be different now, right?" I looked at Ryan, who sheepishly nodded. "Good, let's practice."


	9. Chapter 9

_Two Months Later_

**Brendon's POV**

It was December 24th, the day of the Christmas Concert. 

Ryan, Jon, Spencer and I sat nervously in the green room, barely able to relax. Nobody knew that we were reunited; we wanted it to a complete surprise. We even snuck into the venue through the back door, to prevent being seen.

Despite practicing every day for eight weeks, we were still worried we'd screw up. I, for one, felt like we had our old dynamic packed back down, but that could just be me being desperate. And who knows how the audience would react. Everyone was used to the band just being me.

The only thing that was keeping me from freaking out was Ryan's hand on my knee. We had been getting closer and closer, and though nobody knew we were dating, it actually felt like we could trust each other again.  "Only ten minutes until we go on," he said.

I nodded. Panic! was going on last, for the grand finale. My Chemical Romance was just finishing up playing.

All of a sudden, we heard footsteps and voices coming towards the green room door. Though we couldn't hear exactly what the voices were saying, we could tell who it was. Before we could race to the door to lock it, in came Tyler Joseph and Josh Dun- the two people who made Twenty One Pilots. The instant they saw the three others, their faces filled up with questions.

"You know, Josh," Tyler said, "The last time I checked, Brendon was the only person in Panic! At The Disco. Now, I don't know if my eyes playing tricks on me or not, but it seems that the three old members are back, and getting ready to play. Though, that surely can't be it because Brendon is a good friend of mine, and would have told me if he got the band back together. Right, Bren?"

Josh rolled his eyes. "I'm Josh," he said to Ryan, Spencer, and Jon. "My wise-ass friend over there is Tyler."

"Yeah, we know who you are," Jon smiled. "Everyone knows Twenty One Pilots."

"Obviously," Tyler smirked before plopping on the couch beside me and Ryan. "So, are you two dating again?" he asked us.

"No," I lied, then checked the time on my phone. "We need to get on stage. Let's go."

**Ryan's POV**

The curtain rose, and the audience screamed when they saw us on stage. I heard numerous people scream my name. Clearly, nobody was expecting to see us.

We launched right into playing Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time. It sounded just as good as the studio version, except each one of us put our own twist on our respected instrument. Everyone loved it. 

When the song came to an end, Brendon talked into the microphone. "Hey, guys! Thanks for coming; we are Panic! At The Disco!" The cheers were almost deafening. "Now, this is the first time the band looked like this in a while, I guess I better introduce my bandmates in case you forgot them." 

He walked over to Jon, "First in our bassist Jon Walker!" Jon nervously waved at the crowd. Clearly, it had been a while since he was on stage.

Brendon then walked to the drum set on the raised back of the stage. "Next, give it up for the most amazing drummer I know, Spencer Smith!" Spencer smashed on his cymbals with a shit-eating grin on his face. I could tell he loved being back to performing.

Then, it was my turn. After walking over to me, I could feel Brendon's hand hovering over my lower back. Hopefully, nobody noticed it. "Last, but far from least, is the amazing, the talented, the extremely sexy, Ryan Ross!" My face filled with blush as the crowd cheered louder than the last two times. 

Brendon took his place back at the front of the stage. "Of course, my name is Brendon Urie, I hope you like the show!" With that, we started playing Ready To Go.

~~~

The first twelve songs went great. Finally, we got to Northern Downpour. I had been singing background vocals throughout the whole show, but being up front and center singing was different. I swapped my electric guitar for an acoustic and stood next to Brendon, who smiled at me. "You ready?" he asked, lovingly staring into my eyes. Fuck, I wanted to kiss him.

I half-smiled back and nodded, and we started playing. 

_"Hey moon, please forget to fall down. Hey moon, don't you go down."_

By the first chorus, we were completely leaning on each other, not caring who saw. Though I was taller than Brendon by several inches, my head was resting on his shoulders. I watched his lips forming the words of the song, drawn to them while mine did the same.

_"I missed your skin when you were east. You clicked your heels and wished for me."_

Tears started welling up in my eyes. I hated hiding my affection for him, I did enough of that in my lifetime already. Brendon kept glancing over on me and smiling. I smiled back,  hoping he felt the same way.

_"I know a world's a broken bone, but melt your headaches call it home."_

Had it always felt like this when we sang this song together? I didn't think so, otherwise, how would I have kept our relationship a secret? I also think Brendon and I were farther away from each other when we used to sing it...

Would it really be that bad if we were out in the open about our relationship? People are so much more accepting these days. Besides, it worked out for Dallon and the other Ryan.

_"Sugarcane in the easy morning, weather-vanes my one and only."_

We were towards the end of the song, when Spencer and Jon were chiming in with the background vocals. Still singing, I looked over at Brendon, and into his eyes, hoping to warn him about what I was about to do. He beat me to it. Still playing our guitars, he leaned in and kissed me, the crowd cheering in the process.

The kiss lasted for a good ten seconds before we broke apart and finished the song. I couldn't help but notice that in between songs, Jon was giving Spencer money, as if he lost a bet.

"Well," Brendon said into the microphone, still flustered from the kiss. "I try to keep certain aspects of my personal life private, but I guess you guys should know that Ryan and I have been dating for a couple of months now." My eardrums were almost blown out by the people screaming with joy.

I let out a small laugh of relief, not knowing what was coming next.

**Brendon's POV**

The four bands sat backstage, celebrating the successful performance.

Pete held up his phone, which had a news article lit up on the screen. "Everyone is talking about Brendon's and Ryan's kiss, even the big music news sites! Not to mention Northern Downpour has entered the charts again!"

"Who knew that one kiss would change so much," said Ryan, who's head was resting on my shoulder.

Frank let out a laugh, "Well when Gerard and I came out that we were dating, the entire scene was in shambles."

"Even more so when we got married," added Gerard.

"What about you two?" I asked Pete and Mikey, "What happened when you two came out?"

"Everyone was fine with it," shrugged Pete.

Mikey shook his head, "Actually, at first everyone thought we were joking. Then, after we posted photos of us kissing, everyone freaked out."

"Everyone will freak out, regardless of if it's a fellow band member or not," Tyler said. "After all, when I got married to Jenna, half the Clique were excited, and half were mad. You both probably will have even more hate, considering you're two dudes."

"Yeah," I said, "There are still people who think same-sex couples are sinful."

"I'd be careful," warned Pete. "Soon you'll have reporters demanding interviews with your four, about both the new band lineup and the relationship. As your manager, I'll try and hold them off, but there's only so much I can do."

I nodded, "We'll be careful."


	10. Chapter 10

**Brendon's POV**

It was January 1st- the start of a new year. Usually, the time between Christmas and New Years is a time of parties for me, but not this year. Instead, I was hiding in my house with Ryan, from the paparazzi, who had been trying to get pictures of us together since the Christmas Concert. We hadn't said anything else about our relationship to the public, other than the one post I made to social media. Pete kept telling us that we had a bunch of companies wanting to interview us.

"They wouldn't just be interviewing you and Ryan, they'd interview Jon and Spencer too," he said.

"It doesn't matter- Ryan's not comfortable with interviews. It's always been like this." I spoke into the phone.

I could tell Pete was getting annoyed. "Listen, just do one interview; just one. Then, the press is more likely to leave you alone."

I sighed, "Fine, just one. Goodbye, Pete."

**Ryan's POV**

Brendon, Jon, Spencer and I were sitting on a couch in the building of some British magazine, waiting for an interview. The receptionist had told us to wait while the cameraman set up his equipment.

"You nervous?" Brendon asked me.

"A little," I shrugged. It's not so much that I'm nervous- it's just that I hate interviews. Always have, always will.

Just then, the interviewer came in and took a seat across us. "Hi, I'm James Wilson-Taylor," he said in an English accent, "And I just want to say: It's such an honor to meet you guys."

~~~

The first half of the interview was relatively painless. James mainly asked what we've been up to since Panic! split, and why we decided to reunite the band. Things were going well, until he turned to me, with a sly smile on his face.

"So, Ryan. When you and Brendon were singing Northern Downpour at the concert, was that kissed at the end planned? You seemed rather surprised about it."

I let out a nervous breath, I knew the question was coming. Still, I faked a smile, "No, it wasn't planned, and I was surprised."

"Are you glad that you and Brendon are out about your relationship?"

"Yeah, I actually am. When we were dating the first time way back, I hated that we had to keep our relationship a secret; it killed me. It was I was keeping a huge part of myself from our fans, and in the long run, it was making both me and Brendon miserable. Still, it was not like we could be open about it. People thought a lot differently about anyone who wasn't straight back then. If we came out then, the band would have suffered. But times have changed. Ever since the announcement at the concert, we have received almost nothing but support. Sure, there are a few stray hate comments, but other than that, people have done nothing but support us."

James smiled and nodded, being pleased with my answer. "What about you, Brendon? What made you make the announcement?"

Brendon reached over and squeezed my hand as he talked. "Well, I couldn't just kiss him and go on with the show like nothing happened." Chuckles went around the room. "But in all seriousness, it just felt like the right time. When I had lost Ryan the first time, I had almost no one to talk about with. It was like our whole relationship had never happened. This time around, being open about it, makes it seem so much more real. Not to mention how much of a relief it is to not have to keep it a secret. I finally get to share what I love most with the world."

I blinked away a tear. "Fuck, Bren. You're going to make me cry." Everyone laughed.

 

 


End file.
